


You can't give me up like a bad habit.

by Ohgingersnap



Series: Have you ever been in love? [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Romance, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Break Up, Break Up Talk, Castiel is Not Amused (Supernatural), Castiel is Not Okay (Supernatural), Castiel is So Done with Dean Winchester, Churches & Cathedrals, Dean Winchester is Bad at Apologies, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Dean Winchester is Older Than Castiel, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, Emotionally Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Feels, Heartache, Heartbreak, Heartbreaking, Heavy Angst, Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Dean Winchester, Inspired by Music, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Not Beta Read, Sad, Sad Castiel (Supernatural), Sad Castiel/Dean Winchester, Sad Dean Winchester, Sad Ending, Song Lyrics, Sorry Not Sorry, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24562951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohgingersnap/pseuds/Ohgingersnap
Summary: You said you would stay but you didn'tThe world came crashing down in thirty seconds flatBut you can't give me up like a bad habitYou can't give me up like that-------------------------A short one shot based on the idea that Castiel is a young collage student who volunteers at the towns church, And Dean( Who is around five years older) comes to the town six months prior and meets Cas.They fall in love, but sadly all good things can not last.Or the break up scene between a heartbroken Castiel and a secretive Dean.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Have you ever been in love? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1776508
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	You can't give me up like a bad habit.

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea sitting in my Google docs for a year, no joke, A YEAR.  
> But hey I finally finished it so...yay!
> 
> As always all mistakes are my own, and comments and kudos give me motivation.
> 
> Work title and song lyrics are from a song called Bad Habit by XYLO.
> 
> Till next time!

I sighed as I leaned forward, back arching slightly as I bent causing my tan coat to crease and rid up as I got busy picking up flyers and trash from each saint like row. I stuffed another crumbled and discarded flyer into the small black bag that I carried, when the sound of feet shuffling from behind me caught my attention. 

My head snapped up to look into the direction of the noise, when blue eyes met green and the owner of the green eyes sent me a dazzling smile full of white teeth and dimples.

"Dean?" I called out to the tall blonde who looked like an angel himself, backlit by the warm light of candles, his rigid and dark clothes a huge contrast to the light and airy aesthetic of the church, but somehow he still melted into his surroundings like he belonged, like he was meant to be painted onto the stain glass behind him.

" I wasn't expecting you today."

I say softly, cheeks split into a wide grin as I lay the black trash bag onto the dark oak in front of me.

"Yeah well, I wanted to stop by and see my favorite angel."

I hastily make my way over to him, before pulling his more muscular frame down into a hug, but am caught by surprise when he pulls me into a deep kiss instead, causing me to let out a huff of breath before I am swept away by the passion that swims in the kiss. Just as I am starting to get pulled under the rough waves of desire, the one who controls the waters pulls back, close enough that I can see tears stick like clumps on his lashes, but far enough away that I couldn't reach up and brush them away without startling him.

"Dean? What's wrong?" I ask with a soft voice and smile, that was now fading into a concerned expression. One of my hands comes up to cup a freckled cheek as the man in front of me nuzzles into the palm like it was his salvation. Before I could question his concerning behavior he pulled away from my hand, leaving it feeling cold in his absence, though he didn't move far, only about a foot away as we still shared the same air; what he exhaled I greedily inhaled.

"Dean?" 

I go to reach from his face again but Dean only steps back further away from me, leaving me feeling cold and hollow.

"I'm leaving town Cas."

\---

_ You said you would stay but you didn't _

_ The world came crashing down in thirty seconds flat _

_ But you can't give me up like a bad habit _

_ You can't give me up like that _

\---

"What do you mean? You told me that- You would stay- you said you loved me you-"

My words are wet and broken apart, the sounds getting stuck in my throat. I was shaking, heart hammering and soul buzzing as the world around me continued to spin, while I was stuck in place. 

"Yeah well I lied!"

Dean's voice rings out around the empty church, much like the warning bell before a bomb falls, crumbling down and crushing us. Dean's chest was heaving from anger or anxiety, from which, I'm not sure.

"You what?"

My voice was quiet and void of any of the emotion that I felt stirring around inside of me, like a ball of angry moths itching to attack a flame.

"I lied, Cas."

Dean says quietly, taking one step forward as I take one back. Dean then has the audacity to look heartbroken, like he wasn't the one to just rip out my heart and lay it to the side discarded, to rust and fade away.

"About me, about you...about all of it!"

The green eyed male throws his hands up before letting them fall to his sides, the smack echoes across the church, like a slap to my shattering soul.

"Since when?"

My voice was still quiet, barely above a whisper as that was all my vocal chords were capable of producing.

"Since day fucking one."

Dean says casually. My head snaps up, anger sworming in to take place of the hollow shell that my body was becoming. I took a few menacing steps forward.

"Don't you dare curse in this church."

My tone is dark, threatening, shaking pale fingers dig into the offender's firm chest.

"Yeah?"

Said offender asks, stepping forward into my finger, causing it to bend slightly and ache.

"You weren't saying that last time when I had you pinned against a pillar back to chest as you were screaming profanities."

All I felt was shock and disgust as Dean casually threw in our intimate moments, like they never meant anything.

"You can't just cut me off Dean." 

My voice breaks halfway through the sentence betraying my tough exterior.

"Yeah and why not?"

Dean says accusingly.

"I'm not a bad habit."

Dean's face melts slightly, his facade fading, giving me a chance to catch a glimpse of guilt before he covers it back up, just like it was never there.

"Yeah."

He wipes a shaky hand over his mouth, a nervous tick. 

" Yeah you are. You're my bad habit. My worst one." Dean looks away from me and up towards the high ceiling like maybe the angels painted there will have an answer for him.

"Even worse than Jack Daniels?" I ask before I could stop myself, voice dry but teasing.

I hate how easy that was, the banter between us..

Dean laughs but it was colored blue with sadness and watered down like a cheap impersonation.

"Yeah Cas, much worse"

\---

_ They say, "Find what you love and then you let it kill you" _

_ But you don't listen to no one, you don't follow the rules _

_ And that's fucked up. _

\---

"You are my bad habit too Dean."

Green eyes focus on blue,

"Then I guess it's a good thing that we are stopping it now huh? Before this gets out of hand."

I flinch at the words tumbling so carelessly from the sinful pink lips, the easy feeling a moment before now gone, as the spoken words set a spark underneath me like holy fire was nipping at my heels.

"It got out of hand the moment you walked into my church."

Dean shakes his head like he is trying to shake the memory away, hand wiping his mouth again, uneasy feet stepping back than forward, shuffling, dancing unsure of where to run.

"It got out of hand the moment you told me you liked how my suit made the blue in my eyes stand out."

I step forward.

"It got out of hand the second I let you kiss me in this Ivory Temple."

I take another step forward, now almost chest to chest with my previous reason for existence.

"It got out of hand when you took my virginity in the back room of this church while whispering sweet nothings in my ear."

We are chest to chest now, but several miles away.

"It got out of hand when you made me fall in love with you."

My voice sticks again as I look Dean in the eyes, batreal written all over my face, like verses.

A tear falls from Dean's right eye before he wipes it away quickly, his breath hitches as he tries to gain control of his emotions.

_ Daddy's perfect soldier. _

"I'm so sorry Cas."

\---

_ 'Cause I would have done anything _

_ I would have been anyone _

_ Don't act like you didn't say the same things _

_ You got me all in my head _

_ But my heart won't forget _

_ No, my heart can't forget. _

\---

"No you're not. You don't have one sorry bone in your body." 

It was a dismissal as much as it was a eulogy.

Tears were flowing freely now, one chasing the other like they were racing down my face, trying to see which one could splat against my crisp white shirt first.

"It would have never worked."

His voice is quiet, no fight left in it. Almost like he was trying to convince himself of his own words.

_ A shaky breath, a rattling exhale. _

"Then you should have never said hello."

I snarl, feeling pitiful as I try to pierce Dean with my words, just as he did me.

I turn my back swiftly, trench clad shoulders shaking as tears catch and escape, catch and escape.

It's quiet between us, just the sound of my pitiful hiccups and Dean's harsh breathing.

"Well I couldn't live with myself if I didn't say goodbye."

  
  


He's crying too, I can tell by the shaky quality of his voice.

_ Good. _

I swallow down my tears, heart thudding like a hammer in my chest, head shaking almost hysterically side to side.

"Goodbye, Dean Winchester."

"Goodbye Castiel."

A whisper, a plea, a promise, an apology, an explanation.

_ \--- _

_ You couldn't weather the storm, so you decided to leave (I don't know why) _

_ Like our umbrella was torn, but now it's just me _

_ It's just me underneath it _

\---

The sound of his footsteps echo behind him like chains rattling against the ground, like the rumbling of rock as a herd of gazzale flea.

The door slams shut, finally, roughly, unceremoniously cuts the tie that I once believed tied Dean and I together, that once tied my fate to his, that once tied my soul to his own. Now discarded in a broken heap on the church floor, unraveled and fading in color.

I collapse into the church pews and weep, weep for God to take mercy on me, weep for Dean to come back, to never return. I weep for our past, I weep for my future alone and I weep for my flickering and dying heart.

\---

_ Oh, one day this won't hurt like it does now. _

**Author's Note:**

> I am willing to do a before one shot of when Cas and Dean first meet or even an after where we see why Dean cut it off with Cas.
> 
> UPDATE-  
> This is now a series and the second part is up now!
> 
> Let me know what you all think and of if that is something you would want! :)


End file.
